giving agency

“Logic will get you from A to Z; Imagination will get you everywhere.” -Albert Einstein

This is one of my favorite quotes. It’s full of optimism and hope and though it’s easy to let my mind go to the dark side, I think it fits my current state of mind. I have giant piles of hope that if we throw enough creative energy and imagination into the world we can solve a lot of difficult problems that logic might otherwise give up on.

As you may know, my brother is battling brain cancer. If this is not a difficult problem, I don’t know what is. I know I’m not going to find a cure for brain cancer on my own, I clearly wouldn’t be qualified to even put on a white lab coat let alone understand how to go about doing such a thing. But, as helpless as I feel about the situation I can’t sit here and do nothing, so I’ve given myself agency to help find a way to make it happen.

I am pouring all of my heart, soul and creative energy into raising money to help find a cure for brain cancer. I’m hoping that if enough funding is made available it will enable the Albert Einsteins of the medical research world to use their own combination of logic and imagination to discover a cure.

I’m painting 100 paintings for my brother (you can follow #100paintingsformybrother on Instagram) in hopes that I can sell them all and donate ALL of the net proceeds from the sales to an Oligodendroglioma research fund. If you would like to know more about the fund I’ve chosen or are interested in donating directly, please go find them @oligonation on Instagram, or visit their website www.oligonation.org

I appreciate your support for this very important cause and if you could please say a prayer for my brother and his family I know they would be so thankful. 🖤

what are you waiting for?

One night about two and a half years ago we were sitting around the dinner table talking about our day. Somehow the conversation evolved into what our dream jobs would be if we could do anything. I said I would love to be an artist and how much I would have loved to have gone to art school. My husband suggested that I should take some art classes if that’s something that would really fulfill me. So, the next day I started doing a little research and looking online for local classes and somehow stumbled upon various artist’s workshops. I had never even considered attending such a thing and would have felt completely inadequate being there. For some reason however, this one particular artist’s workshop peaked my interest and kept lingering in my mind. I went back to look into it again and it was sold out. Darn! I guess it was a silly idea anyway, not to mention it was in Colorado. 

About a month later I got an email newsletter from the artist (Jeanne Oliver) announcing she was opening up another weekend of this workshop, as it was in demand. Within an hour, I recruited a friend to sign up with me and next thing I knew we were booking our flights to Denver!

Fast forward a few months later to the morning of the workshop. I was a little nervous about painting with other people, but also SO excited to be there. I remember whispering to my friend 10 minutes into the 2-day workshop that I was sad it was almost over. I didn’t want to miss one second of soaking up all that this artist had to offer us.

On the second day after lunch we were given a large piece of watercolor paper and our assignment was to create a large painting using all of the techniques and tips that we had been practicing leading up to this moment. I remember feeling a little bit overwhelmed and worried that my painting might not amount to much. I dove in anyway and just let myself get completely wrapped up in the joy of the process. I wasn’t sure where it was going but I was having so much fun I almost didn’t care anymore...I was just in my happy place.

I think I was almost done with my painting when Jeanne came over and quietly asked me if I sell my art. I remember telling her “No! But that would be my dream!” She then said she would love to buy my painting if I would be willing to sell it to her. I’m pretty sure my response was all giggles and awkward (if you know me I’m sure that’s not a surprise). Surely she must have been kidding.

Long story short: She bought my painting. I cried.

Much later I found out that she had never done that before...and I cried some more. And it still makes me cry when I think about it.

This was a monumental moment for me. It made me think that maybe this is something I really could do and not just dream of doing. I continued to let the idea marinate for the next couple of months and slowly started sharing bits and pieces of my art on Instagram (which was terrifying and made me want to throw up after each post). Shortly after I started getting more comfortable with this idea, I found out my brother was diagnosed with brain cancer. Friends, nothing else convinces you that life is a precious gift than the thought of losing someone so dear to you. 

This was the final push I needed to go all in on living out my dream.

This painting that I created was a tiny pebble that started the avalanche of momentum I needed. Or maybe it was the conversation at dinner? Either way, I hope my story might inspire someone out there to be brave and follow their dreams, whatever they may be.

grace, not perfection.

This past year has been tough. My family has been reminded that life is precious and we never know what ups and downs might come our way. As heartbreaking and scary as the downs have been and as unsettling as the road ahead may seem, I try to be grateful for all it has put into perspective for me. I love the mantra of “Grace, not perfection”. I have not always been good at offering grace, yet so many people in my life have been so kind to give it to me. I think I’m learning that it’s easier to give grace to others once we offer it to ourselves first.

As a lifelong perfectionist, it’s especially difficult to put myself and my paintings out into the world unless I think they are “perfect”. This says so much more about me than anything. Brene Brown offers so many amazing insights to the concept of perfectionism (…there are literally too many wonderfully appropriate quotes to include here, but this is one that really struck me):

“When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.”

My goal is to just show up and be authentic, be grateful for my gifts, embrace life as it comes my way and offer myself grace for all of my imperfections so that I can do my best to offer it to others. I hope this inspires you to do the same.

march forth and follow your dreams!

Welcome friend! Whether I know you personally or you stumbled across me via Instagram, I’m so glad you’re here.

I have to admit I feel a little old and really silly for starting a blog. That being said, I don’t think you’re ever too old to follow your dreams…and I realized today is March 4th, which seems like the most perfectly named day to take a step forward. So here I am. I’m doing this to hold myself accountable in my desire to live out my dream of being an artist.

Way too many years ago when I had the opportunity to go to college, I chose to study Interior Design. Though I actually really enjoyed interior design and figured it would be a much more practical degree, deep down in my heart of hearts I truly wanted to study ART.

Along the way I took several basic art and design classes as they related to my major. This is when I was most happy and in all of these types of classes I was the biggest nerd!

Eventually I graduated and went on to have a career as an interior designer. It was all well and good and I was grateful to have a job in a creative field, but at the end of the day I was out of creative energy to draw or paint for fun the way I always had. Unfortunately, I lost sight of my passion and also lost a bit of myself along the way. I’m sad I can’t get that time back, but it has added even more motivation to make the most of the time I do have.

So, here I am - following my dreams. And even though I feel old and silly, I also feel SO TRULY HAPPY and also thankful that I have the support and encouragement from my friends and family to do this. And if you’re still here after reading all of that, thank you. I’m truly grateful to have you along for the ride.

(Thank you to my friend LoriJo Daniels for once upon a time taking this photo of me…I don’t exactly know what I’m laughing about, but I love how happy I am!)